The history of commercially viable synthpop is a troubled thing. Certainly, contemporaries seem to fall into two camps: There are those- Hot Chip, Goldfrapp, Robyn- who understand its roots, the ever-present dynamic between artificial sounding music & heartfelt sentiment, the beauty of the clinical and detached versus the intimate and organic, the importance of emotion, amazing melodies and visual gratification; Then there are those- Little Boots, Hurts- who miss the point entirely, who substitute emotion with trite lyrics, any real substance for style (or lack thereof), and who forget that the heart of amazing 1980s pop was comprised of melody and memorable hooks that commanded the dancefloor. Unfortunately, Monarchy belong to the latter camp.

Their debut album, Around The Sun, is being released with high expectations for those who have been waiting since 2009 when they first emerged. Apparently they are the first band to be broadcast live into space, wear masks on stage and make statements about their artistic license such as “Monarchy don’t show their faces or reveal their identity because they feel that artists have become bland and sanitized by the constant broadcast of personal lives.” All intriguing stuff, which makes it ever more disappointing that the album they’ve produced lacks any of the contentiousness of their cultural observations and is just more of the same faceless, background pop that Hurts already filled the niche of last year. It’s an unfortunate irony that “bland and sanitized” is a line they may get used to hearing after this musical offering.

Things don’t start off too badly. The album opener, ‘Black, The Colour of My Heart’, is a mid-paced number that’s pleasant enough but there’s little else to look forward to on here. It feels like Monarchy are building up to something but never deliver, their sound a plateau rather than a platform because they have fallen at the hurdle where so many others struggle to jump in modern pop music: they can’t write a chorus. The verses, the words, the image, is all foreplay and the chorus is the climax, the thing you remember, the core of those songs that get stuck in your head, and Monarchy can never seem to find it. Taking a closer look at the lyrics, it doesn’t help that they read like the poetry of a 15 year old. There’s a lot of talk of suns, moons and stars and an awful lot of crude rhyming couplets (heart/start, blame/flames, arms/charms) but admittedly these lyrical patterns are typical of the romantic, metaphorical types in synthpop and wouldn’t necessarily be at fault were it not for the fact they are usually complete nonsense. In ‘You Don’t Want To Dance With Me’, the chorus sadly intones “How do I get you to feel what I feel for you?” providing a rare, sweet moment of clarity and raw emotion, but it is quickly muffled by claptrap.

This music is surely designed for car adverts and the opening montage scene of Hollyoaks (Indeed, after a quick internet search it turns out ‘Maybe I’m Crazy’ has actually been used in an episode to soundtrack the predicaments of those poor teenage ham actors). After listening to the album in full, there isn’t one stand out track that makes me want to go back and listen again and after half an hour, I’ve completely forgotten the songs owing to the fact it’s clear the image is much more important than the music which ultimately sounds completely generic. The songs are layered, but do not possess real melody or any point of interest. It’s not that it’s outright in its offensiveness but it straddles the fence so relentlessly that I’d rather it just took more risks, for better or worse. All in all, Around The Sun might be surrounded by claims of grandeur and greatness but Monarchy are nothing more than pretenders to the throne.