Over the course of the last weekend, I ended up visiting two of London’s — how to say politely? — less desirable areas. It’s safe to say that both Stratford and Wood Green, while not without elements of charm, are certainly “further down the property price ladder” than other areas of the country’s capital.

The reasons for this are many, and the analysis of them probably beyond the remit of a humble indie music website. One of the reasons, however, for their relative economic struggles may have something to do with the terrible Jad Fair impressionists that stand outside the shopping centres there. Both locations had one, a blithering idiot shouting incomprehensible gibberish, amongst which the only words I could pick out clearly and regularly were ‘Quran’ and ‘Mumblent’ (which I don’t think is a real word), through a terrible PA system, to the amusement and joy of no-one.

And while I don’t think Jad Fair ever mentions the holy book of Islam on this album, the irritating tit shouting indecipherable bollocks into a tin-can with no obvious meaning or purpose is present throughout. If this sounds harsh, you should try listening to this record and coming up with a better description. I’m actually a little bit angry that this was submitted a website for review as music, and what further upsets me is that I can’t help but picture, when I listen to it, some pricks in skinny jeans in a Shoreditch high-rise musing on how it “challenges your boring establishment ideas of what music should be, y’know.”

And maybe it does. Maybe my penchant for melody and tune and recording equipment in working order is really really old hat, and the sound of the twenty-tens will be defined by radios tuned right to the edge of the frequency of a terrible late-night radio station while someone in the next room washes some pots really loudly and talks in a terrible mock-Californian accent into one of those weird plastic echo-mics everyone used to have when they were a kid, and all you can do is sit on your bed sobbing and occasionally picking at your badly-tuned guitar.

So look forward to that.