Nick Cave discusses unconditional parental love: "ultimately we exist at the behest of our children"

Writing to Nick Cave as a parent who is struggling to come to terms with their child changing their pronouns, Malcolm McKesson discusses the complicated nature of trying to navigate this, but ultimately accepting that his love for his child is more important.

"They have told me that it is like armor - a mask that makes them stronger in public - that they are a proud woman but feel more comfortable as “he”," McKesson says before going on to say that himself and his child have been bonding over Cave's music.

Specifically referencing "O Children", from the album Abbatoir Blues / Lyre of Orpheus – which also features in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 – McKesson shares that his child had sent him the song to listen to, and he was overcome by emotion.

"I had actual goosebumps. That my child loves that song is beautiful. And that I can say to my child - this is something that I deeply understand as a parent and as a child - is something that I am so grateful for," he wrote before asking Cave if he would play the song at his upcoming show in Minnesota, and if he would dedicate it to his child, under their preferred name.

In response to this message, Cave reflected on what it's like to "lose our children to the world, as they grow up and step into their own notions of how they wish to be".

"I understand your conflicted feelings about losing a daughter and gaining a son, but I can also feel your awareness that the soul remains consistent and unchanging and that love, real parental love, runs eternal and unconditional through that soul," he said. Cave, who has been unfortunate enough to lose two sons wrote with empathy and understanding, focusing on the unwavering love you feel as a parent.

Adding that "O Children" is a defiant and complex song of change and transformation, he continued: "I found the final sentence of your letter particularly moving, implicit within it was the recognition of the great privilege it is to be a parent, and the awareness that as parents ultimately we exist at the behest of our children. You understand that often their gains are our losses, and although we fight for our children and want to protect them as best we can, there comes a time when we have to let them go, in acceptance and gratitude, to be as they wish to be. This is the supreme act of love and sacrifice. I would be delighted to play "O Children" in Minnesota and dedicate it to Claude."