Lorde shares an update on mystery illness and heartbreak

Lorde began the newsletter by explaining that she had previously typed it out, and "it ended neatly, tied with a little bow", but she reveals that whilst she chose her words well, she "didn't tell the truth", and decided to re-write, and "send what comes out".

Explaining that she is in London, where she has been living and working since May, “Things feel clear here. I haven’t seen many friends; mostly, I’m alone with my thoughts," she said before revealing that the loneliness is seeping in. "I’m starting to miss my friends and family, like a vitamin I’m deficient in. Soon I'll be going back to New York, and then home."

She then goes on to say that she has been battling ongoing health issues, and she's stopping taking "the little yellow pill [she] took every morning for thousands of morning since [she] was 15", and that she was going to see how it goes, seemingly as an exasperated attempt at trying to heal. “My body is really inflamed, it’s trying to tell me something and I’m trying to support it but nothing seems to help and I get frustrated. My gut isn’t working properly, my skin is worse than ever, I’ve gotten sick half a dozen times.”

Lorde shares her feelings in new email to fans:

“I'm living with heartbreak again. It's different but the same. I ache all the time, I forget why and then remember. I'm not trying to hide from the pain, I understand now that pain isn't something to hide from, that there's… pic.twitter.com/kT7Q6LAGsl

— Pop Base (@PopBase) September 21, 2023

Lorde then spoke about her relationship with her body, admitting that she feels as though she previously neglected it: “I realized earlier this year that listening to my body is hard for me, it’s something I never really learned how to do,” she wrote. “I’ve been trying to teach myself that this year, but it’s been hard actually, pretty confronting, has made me fully aware of all the times I ignored it or didn’t give it what it needed, shamed it for a fight or flight response, took a handful of pills and pushed through."

Alongside her health update, Lorde said she’s “living with heartbreak again", alluding to the end of her relationship with music producer Justin Warren, who she has dated since 2016. “It’s different but the same,” she continued. “I ache all the time, I forget why and then remember. I’m not trying to hide from the pain, I understand now that pain isn’t something to hide from, that there’s actually great beauty in moving with it. But sometimes I’m sick of being with myself.”

Despite her struggles, Lorde appears to be optimistic about her future: “I know I’m gonna look back on this year with fondness and a bit of awe, knowing it was the year that locked everything into place, the year that transitioned me from my childhood working decade to the one that comes next — one that even through all this, I’m so excited for. It’s just hard when you’re in it," she concluded.