BAUM on the themes of debut EP Ungodly: eating disorder recovery, empowerment, and bisexuality

BEST FIT: How does it feel to have your first EP out in the world?

BAUM: Honestly it feels so good, 'cause I've never put anything out as a whole project, and I've been making music my whole life. It's really exciting to get to put one thing out as a whole piece and it to make a statement and to have that be shown in one place. I've been happy to have it out, until I get to move on to the next project – I’m always looking at what's next.

Your five-song EP tackles quite a lot of big themes. Was it nerve-wracking putting something so personal out in the world?

No, it was not. I've been writing my own songs for a long time – since I was like, eight years old – and I've been performing my own songs since I was in elementary school, so that part doesn't phase me anymore. There are other parts of being an artist that I find nerve-wracking, but I don't really find releasing my own music very nerve-wracking anymore, even if it's super personal.

What parts of being a musician are nerve-wracking for you, then?

Performing. I get a lot of stage anxiety. I have a lot of fun performing and it's gotten a lot better, but that's been my biggest battle as an artist: trying to feel comfortable and not feel judged – and not judge myself, most importantly – when I'm onstage. I think it's very easy to get in the headspace when you're performing of looking at it as a very critical observer, putting yourself in the headspace of being an audience member while you're performing, and that's super detrimental. It's been hard for me to put myself in the right headspace: being a non-judgemental performer. That's probably the hardest thing out of everything for me, and it's been getting better, which is exciting! I feel okay once I'm in the swing of things.

How was South by Southwest?

It was amazing! I've never been – I’ve never played a festival – and it was just like a big party. I was there for ten days, and it was so much fun. The guys in my band are so cool, my manager is my friend too, so it was just a lot of fun.

Nylon called your song "This Body" a "self-empowerment anthem", as it talks about your experience of dealing with eating disorders. Has music played a part in coping and recovery for you?

Music has been the one thing in my life that's been stable and consistent throughout everything. It gives me my sense of purpose, as cheesy as that sounds. It makes me feel grounded knowing that there's always something I can do; it's not like I have a job that I can lose! I'm always working on this, I've always been working on it my whole life, it's been there for me, and I can use it however I want to. I can write a song about something and get it off my chest.

[Music] definitely did not get me through my eating disorder. That was therapy and self-care and hard work, but it was always something that's been wildly helpful for me, and makes me who I am. So – yes and no! I had really bad OCD as a kid, and someone asked me in an interview if my music got me through that, and I'm like, "no, cognitive behavioural therapy got me through that, but music was helpful!"

Do you hope that your music, and being open about your experiences will be similarly helpful to others?

I really really do hope so. I hope that it already has been, even if it's for one person, or two people. I also hope that just being a normal person going through normal people things and looking like a normal person – I have a full body type, which is something that I’ve really struggled with my whole life – is something that will be helpful to young girls, and to young people in general. You don't have to be 30 pounds underweight to be in the entertainment industry, and to do what you want, and to be attractive. I think that's something that ruins people's lives, and that kills people. I want to be an example of someone that is a normal-sized human being but is still attractive, and still beautiful inside and out, and doing everything I want to be doing. That's what I hope.

"This Body" is also inspired by your experiences with cat-calling. Why was that something that you considered important to write about?

I write a lot about empowerment, and empowering women is very important to me. I think that's an everyday situation where women feel like their power is taken away. That’s what had happened to me: a very literal experience one morning when my power was taken away by someone cat-calling me about my "fat ass". You're angry, but you're also scared, and you're feeling all these emotions. So, I wrote about it. Hopefully that's relatable. I wrote about it for myself, to get it off my chest, but then it ended up having a message I was very proud of, so I was happy to release it.

How do you feel about being part of the current surge of queer artists entering the mainstream?

There is something that frustrates me about it. ["Hot Water"] was about in high school and early college, when I had just come out as bi. I was going to these parties and meeting women and pretending I had so much experience – honestly, I didn't! I was pretending I was the shit and would know what I was doing with a woman, and then it came down to it and I was like, "oh, f***, I’m in hot water!" It was a a coming-of-age thing, a personal discovery, and sexual discovery song.

My sexuality is something that's very important to me, and it really is a part of who I am, but it's not who I am – and it’s definitely not who I am as an artist. What frustrated me about putting that song out in the current PR and marketing climate of pop music, was that people clung to that. People wanted to write about that in absolutely everything, and people were assuming that I was gay and getting thrown off when I had a boyfriend. It was weird, having people in my personal business like that. I love talking about activism and I'm proud of my sexuality, but it’s not all of who I am. I felt the response to ["Hot Water"] was very much acting like I was some kind of gay icon. I was like, "that's not what I'm going for!" That’s what the song was about, but it’s not who I am as an artist.

The fact that people lump queer artists together I find very frustrating. ["Queer-pop"] isn’t really a genre. I am a pop singer, I'm not a queer-pop singer. One of the girls from MUNA said that, and I was like, that’s so true. I'm queer, and I'm a pop singer, but people like to define you by your sexuality when you're not straight.

You mentioned that people always assume you’re gay – can we talk about why that’s an issue?

It's so frustrating! People don't even mean to, but they invalidate you and your sexuality. It's almost like people view being bi as being half gay, and that's not what it is! I'm not halfway there – this is just my sexuality! I like men and women, and I like non-binary people. It's so f***ing rude when people assume that you haven’t figured out that you're gay yet, or that you're not comfortable coming out. No, f*** you!

I think we have a big problem with bi erasure right now, even with all the activism that’s happening. Bisexuality is still very much getting buried within the movement, and I do want to talk about that a lot as an artist.

What can we expect from BAUM for the rest of 2018?

I want to be on the road a lot, especially in the summer and the fall, and then I'm working on a second project right now. I'm probably going to put the first single out in around June or July.