My Worst Christmas: Eliza Shaddad and THØSS

Christmas is basically 10 days of house arrest thinly veiled as a reunion in our house. Everyone attempts to hold everything in for the greater good and so they prowl around the house full of insane mood swings trying not step on each other toes, but there isn’t really anywhere to hide when there’s 4 times as many people as rooms. Nobody can agree on a film to watch, somehow even with that many people in the house there aren’t enough hands to make light work of washing up and God forbid anyone attempts to play a boardgame without it ending in a feud that will LAST FOR AT LEAST 5 YEARS...

Anyway. Inevitably at some point somebody explodes and it comes ripping through the precarious cheer and then the waiting for it to end really begins. This happens every year, a relaxed Christmas without major incident would be a very remarkable thing, so I think in the end that means they’re all about tied for worst. Or weirdly best. I think it’s been so bad for so long we all must have Stockholm Syndrome because I’ve been looking forward to it for months.

A THØSS Christmas tends to be a fairly jovial family affair. However, a couple of years ago Father THØSS was innocently sampling the Christmas meat, when it became lodged in his throat… Mother THØSS calmly responded by asking “ARE YOU JOKING?! ARE YOU JOKING?!” He was in fact Choking. It was down to me to save the day with Heimlich’s finest manoeuvre.