On the road with Erland and The Carnival

-

Sex, drugs and currywurst. Erland and The Carnival‘s Simon Tong kept a day-by-day tour diary of the band’s recent adventures in Europe in support of their recent (TLOBF Recommended) album Nightingale.

Erland and The Carnival will headline The Garage in Islington this Wednesday (18 May). Tickets are still available here.

Day 1

Our third tour of Germany starts in Cologne. Support act Hannah Peel and our drummer David Nock go in search of animal stage masks before the show and end up in a sex shop where Hannah is a little shocked by the size of the dildos. No masks are found.

The show goes well but the brand of whiskey on the rider is terrible. No Glenfidich or even Bells but some strange chemical tramp juice called Queen Margot. It doesn’t get drunk. We aren’t that desperate yet.

Day 2

Hamburg. A long drive and we watch ‘Nighty Night’ in the van followed by early Tim Roth as Trevor the skin head in ‘Made in Britain.’ Danny says his mum bought him ‘Made in Britain’ when he was 10 to warn him of the dangers of getting in with the wrong crowd.

After eating a dreadful pizza we play a show in a beautiful old cinema from the 1890′s that is situated just off the Reeperbahn. We are told it is one of the very first cinemas in Germany. Faded grandeur with a dusty crystal chandelier, coloured glass, ornate scrolls and cherub busts over the ceiling. God knows how it survived the war. Great show though and Rolf our number one Hamburg fan is in the front row as usual. He has grown a beard which suits him. Rolf has the drummer from his own band along with him who watches David drum all night. Rolf’s drummer says hello after the gig. He looks like a guard from ‘Midnight Express’: fat, bald and scarred on his face. He is also cross eyed so I am not sure if he is actually looking at me or not- we talk anyway and he is very sweet and nothing at all like a Turkish prison guard.

Later we stumble through the sleazy Reeperbahn negotiating our way passed crowds of drunken, fat German sex tourists and end up in a whiskey bar with a floor to ceiling selection of whiskies. We drink Scapa – from the Orkney Island- to remind Erland of home.

On the way back Becky the tour manager tries to go down the famous male only road where the prostitutes sit in the windows and is immediately squirted with water by one very angry busty blonde girl.

We finish the night with our first Currywurst of the tour. 6.5 out of 10.

Day 3

So to Berlin and we watch the whole series of ‘The Trip’ on the way. Very beautiful and funny and always ends on a sad note.

When we reach Berlin it is gloriously sunny and the residents are enjoying their first real warmth of the year. People sitting out on the pavements – emerging from their winter hibernation.

We do a few radio interviews and are driven around by a taxi driver who insists on playing Arabic scales on a clarinet as he is driving. Not sure if playing musical instruments while driving in Berlin is legal but a police car sees him and doesn’t bat an eye lid so I presume it must be perfectly acceptable behaviour.

The show is in a club which seems to be situated beneath the worlds first Aldi supermarket. We are served delicious German Food and the show is good too.

We end the night in a bar that looks like it was recently someone’s house. It has a huge labyrinthian cellar with many rooms that you could get lost in for days. David does get lost for a while but luckily has left a trail of bread crumbs to escape.

Back at the hotel in the early hours and we emerge from the lift to the sound of someone loudly having sex in the conference room. Someone was giving a very emotional late night power point presentation.

Day 4

After being rudely woken 6 times by house keeping and finally telling them to loudly “fuck off” we explore Berlin before heading to Dresden. Not before I thrash Dennis our wonderful German booking agent at table tennis in the hotel.

Bus journey uneventful but too much jazz being played for my liking.

The first time we played the Beatpol venue in Dresden we had about 20 people in the audience so we are a little wary of how many will be here tonight. That aside, the Beatpol has a few things in it’s favour. A wonderful sound guy, a very nice local promoter who is a big fan of the band but most of all the in-house chef who cooks the finest food we will get all tour. He creates a banquet that would win Masterchef hands down with about 7 or 8 delicious dishes. Mousaka, homemade pesto, gnocci, cray fish, chicken, goulash, risotto, pea soup, tomato bread. Everyone eats far too much until there are groans of pain from taut stomachs close to bursting. All too often the hospitality of venues in Europe puts the UK to shame.

The show is good and we have 150 people which is a relief. Word seems to be spreading. Back at the hotel after polishing off the vodka, wine and beer we finally resort to drinking the cheap fake whiskey we got from Cologne in absolute desperation. It’s vile. Like drinking aliens blood as I feel it rot its way through my stomach lining. We should really bring our own crate of Orkadian whiskey on tour next time.

Day 5

Day off in Dresden. The sun is shining and we hire bikes and ride round the beautiful old restored city like a stoned Von Trapp family outing. In the afternoon we eat the best Currywust so far sitting by the river drinking Wiessbier and listening to a cover band do a poor rendition of ‘La Ilsa Bonita’

We meet Ollie and David who haven’t been to bed yet and look bewildered but happy. We order ice cream sundaes but they are too sickly and we can’t finish them. We order Ferna Blanca and schnapps and everything is right with the world.

Day 6

Frankfurt. We are staying in the band flat next to the venue which is like staying in the big brother house. One big communal living space with 8 or 9 bedrooms coming off it. Last time the old promoter Frank stayed too and got a bit lecherous with Becky our tour manager who had to barricade her door to stop him from getting in ‘Uncle Monty’ style. This time we have requested Frank not stay in the band flat but instead of a randy old promoter we have an Indian family staying who are on holiday. Why they would want to come to an industrial suburb of Frankfurt for a holiday is anyone’s guess. They seem happy enough though.

Day 7 in the Big Brother house….

Zurich, and we are sat in traffic most of the day. It seems like they are completely rebuilding the city. Probably with all that nazi gold they have. The whole place is a building site. No downturn in the construction industry here then.

The show is good. Hannah Peel joins us on stage for most of it. There is a reggae night straight after our show in the same venue. Didn’t know there were so many rastas in Switzerland. We are staying at an ETAP hotel. They make travelodge’s look like the Dorchester.

Day 8

It’s a beautiful morning in Zurich so we head to the lake for food. It’s a pity we can’t spend more time in the ETAP but hey-ho.

After a very expensive but incredibly disappointing prawn salad in the centre of the old town we head off to Fribourg and to a nice old venue where lots of great bands have played over the years – Nirvana, Frank Zappa etc.

The food at the venue is almost as good as Dresden if not better. The best Gazpacho I have ever tasted followed by Gnocci with Beef stew and a champagne sorbet. There is a long running game of writing pork related band names on the dressing room door. Piggy Pop, Snoop Hoggy Hog, Notorious P.I.G… you get the idea. We add many new names: SmokeyBacon Robinson, Piglet Enemy, New Pork Dolls, ZZ Chops and Explosions in the Sty.

The gig is good. Hannah has many admirers in the audience. Afterwards we have a drink and smoke with the lighting guy called Dorian. Becky is chatted up by two girls – one with a very nice short boyish haircut.

Day 9

Nine days in and things are getting out of hand. We are developing an imaginary TV show where we are all characters in a soap called ‘Carnival Street’ which is set in the north of England somewhere. Hannah is Liz – barmaid 2 days a week at the local pub. Married to Barry (Andy) who runs his own business. Having an affair with Steve (Simon) a mechanic who runs the local garage. Erland is the simple window cleaner called Gary and Becky is Debs who runs the local tanning shop.