Tim Burgess

With his memoir ‘Telling Stories’ out on 4 July on paper back via Penguin, Tim Burgess takes the Best Fit Q&A and reveals his superpower woes, plans for a murderous dinner party and tell us who he’d most like to apologise to.

Who would play you in the movie of your life?
I got the odd tweet about people seeing actors who they think look like me when we were first putting out records. Craig Parkinson, who played Tony Wilson in Control, introduced me to a kid he said would be perfect and there’s been a few enquiries about the film rights to the book. Joaquin Phoenix used to joke that he could play me as I am now, so there’s be room for a couple of actors.

What would your superpower be and why?
Flying would be cool. Maybe being invisible too. Is it part of the deal that if you have a superpower that you have to fight baddies though? I’m not keen on that bit but people might turn on me if I just used my powers for fun instead of protecting everyone, like Superman does.

What’s your idea of heaven?
Spending time with friends and family.

What one thing have you learnt from your parents?
My Dad tried to teach me dadskills like wallpapering but I couldn’t grapple it. Plus I think you are after something more esoteric. I learnt to have patience from my Mum and the fact I didn’t want to be a painter and/ or decorator from my Dad!

What song do you wish you’d written?
There’s a line in one of our songs, ‘A Man Needs to be Told’, asking how much the man who wrote White Christmas made. Maybe that song, as just when you have to buy presents you’d get a stock of cash to do it with (if you buy your presents on Christmas Eve that is)

If you could say something to your 15 year old self, what would it be?
Don’t be scared to take chances, and stop sniffing glue you idiot.

What’s your re-occurring nightmare?
Falling – I wake up just before I hit the ground, fortunately.

What song will they play at your funeral?
It’s a pretty dramatic time, your own funeral. Maybe it’s better for friends to choose than leaving a list for them. Maybe some contemplative silence would be better. Someone told me that a bloke has left strict instructions that ‘Atmosphere’ was to be played as he went into the flames. Now, you and I know he means the doom laden Joy Division song – whoever was in charge of doing the music was only aware of the slightly more upbeat Atmosphere – ‘I Love A Party with a Happy Atmosphere’ by Russ Abbott. Must have lightened things up a little though.

What five people would you invite to your fantasy dinner party?
Jeremy Clarkson, Piers Morgan, David Cameron, Richard Littlejohn and Robert Mugabe.

Who would you most like to apologise to and why?
The families of Jeremy Clarkson, Piers Morgan, David Cameron, Richard Littlejohn and Robert Mugabe for feeding them with deadly poison at a recent dinner party.

Tim Burgess’ memoir ‘Telling Stories’ is out in Penguin paperback on 4 July for £8.99, updated with a whole new chapter of material that takes the story up to 2013. More info here.